![\"\"](\"https:\/\/teachmelife.b-cdn.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/w3.jpg\")
<\/p>\nHe stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn\u2019t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.<\/p>\n
That wouldn\u2019t have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn\u2019t know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.<\/p>\n
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you really tied one on last night,\u201d she said. Where\u2019d you go?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI worked late,\u201d he said, \u201cand I stopped off for a couple of beers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA couple of beers? That\u2019s a laugh,\u201d she replied. \u201cYou got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d she replied, \u201cmy first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
One day, his wife got so angry that she told him: \u201cIf you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her husband didn\u2019t believe her, so he kept on smoking and drinking just like he always did.<\/p>\n
His wife was determined to prove herself right, so one day she went out early in the morning and bought some big intestines. She stuffed them in her husband\u2019s underwear as he slept.<\/p>\n
A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent for the next 30 minutes.<\/p>\n
After another 30 minutes of silence, he comes downstairs, sweating profusely.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d asked the wife.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were right! My intestines did come out, but don\u2019t worry honey \u2013 after a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn\u2019t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":890,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/975","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=975"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/975\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":976,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/975\/revisions\/976"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=975"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=975"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=975"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}