{"id":710,"date":"2025-07-27T09:08:40","date_gmt":"2025-07-27T09:08:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/?p=710"},"modified":"2025-07-27T09:08:40","modified_gmt":"2025-07-27T09:08:40","slug":"the-best-toast-of-the-night","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/?p=710","title":{"rendered":"The Best Toast of the Night."},"content":{"rendered":"

John O\u2019Reilly hoisted his beer and said, \u2018Here\u2019s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!\u2019<\/h2>\n

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!<\/p>\n

He went home and told his wife, \u2018Mary, I won the prize for the Best toast of the night!\u2019<\/p>\n

She said, \u2018Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?\u2019<\/p>\n

John said, \u2018Here\u2019s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!\u2019 Mary said.<\/p>\n

The next day, Mary ran into one of John\u2019s drinking buddies on the street corner.<\/p>\n

The man chuckled leeringly and said, \u2018John won the prize last night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.\u2019<\/p>\n

She said, \u2018Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he\u2019s only been there twice in the last four years\u2026\u00a0Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.<\/h2>\n

\u201cMommy,\u201d she said, \u201ccan we leave now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d her mother replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I think I have to throw up!\u201d exclaimed the girl.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush,\u201d said her mother.<\/p>\n

After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. \u201cDid you throw up?\u201d her mother asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d the little girl replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?\u201d her mother asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t have to go out of the church, Mommy.\u201d Smiled her little girl proudly. \u201cThey have a box next to the front door that says:<\/p>\n

\u2018For the Sick.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n

One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late.<\/h2>\n

His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead.<\/p>\n

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.<\/p>\n

To which the boy replied, \u201cYes, ma\u2019am, he did. My dad said that he didn\u2019t have enough bait for both of us.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

John O\u2019Reilly hoisted his beer and said, \u2018Here\u2019s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!\u2019 That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, \u2018Mary, I won the prize for the Best toast of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":706,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-710","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/710","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=710"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/710\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":711,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/710\/revisions\/711"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/706"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=710"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=710"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=710"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}