slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber\u2026<\/p>\n
He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, \u201cYou died in your sleep Ralph.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ralph was stunned. \u201cI\u2019m dead? No I can\u2019t be! I\u2019ve got too much to live for. Send me back!\u201d<\/p>\n
St Peter said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but there\u2019s only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being.\u00a0An animal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.<\/p>\n
A rooster strolled past. \u201cSo you\u2019re the new hen, huh? How\u2019s your first day here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot bad,\u201d replied Ralph the Hen, \u201cbut I have this strange feeling inside, like I\u2019m going to explode.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re ovulating,\u201d explained the rooster. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve never laid an egg before!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever.\u201d said Ralph.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell just relax and let it happen,\u201d says the rooster, \u201cIt\u2019s no big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg \u2013 his joy was overwhelming.<\/p>\n
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cRALPH wake up! You\u00a0cr*pped the bed!<\/strong><\/p>\n They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: \u201cRest in Peace.\u201d The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.<\/p>\n After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied: \u201cSir, I\u2019m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this \u2013 somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying:<\/p>\n \u201cCongratulations on your new location!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ralph came home\u00a0drunk\u00a0one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber\u2026 He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, \u201cYou died in your sleep Ralph.\u201d Ralph was stunned. \u201cI\u2019m dead? No I can\u2019t be! I\u2019ve got too much to live for. Send me back!\u201d St Peter said, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":340,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-339","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/339","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=339"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/339\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":341,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/339\/revisions\/341"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/340"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=339"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=339"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=339"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}A new business was opening and one of the owner\u2019s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.<\/h2>\n