A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet.
\nA shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.<\/p>\n
He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, \u201cWell, if you pull the right string the parrot says, \u2018Polly wanna cracker\u2019. If you pull the left string it says, \u2018my name\u2019s Sam’\u201d.<\/p>\n
The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious.<\/p>\n
So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, \u201cI\u2019d fall off the perch you idiot!\u201d<\/p>\n
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
\nHis act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying \u201cBig deal, the cards up his sleeve.\u201d or \u201cHe put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!\u201d<\/p>\n
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.<\/p>\n
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed \u201cOkay, I give up\u2026 where the hell did you put the god damned boat!\u201d<\/p>\n
A man decides he wants to fish.
\nUnfortunately, his favorite spot became illegal to fish in.<\/p>\n
Undeterred, he fishes for 2 hours, and at this point, he already has a bucket full of fish and he\u2019s still fishing.<\/p>\n
Out of nowhere a cop comes in and tells him: \u201cYou know you can\u2019t fish here, right? It\u2019s illegal, I\u2019m gonna have to arrest you.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man hides the pole and replies: \u201cOh no no those are my pet fish. I just come here every week or so drop them in the pond, and once they are done swimming they jump back in and I go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
At this point the officer smirks, he knows he\u2019s lying, so he says: \u201cWell then show me, if you can truly show me that they will do that then I\u2019ll let you go.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man agrees and dumps the fish into the pond.<\/p>\n
A few minutes pass\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cSo when are the fish jumping back in the bucket?\u201d Asks the officer smugly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat fish?\u201d says the man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, \u201cWell, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":890,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1098","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1098","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1098"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1098\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1099,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1098\/revisions\/1099"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1098"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1098"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1098"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}