{"id":1061,"date":"2025-08-11T12:04:17","date_gmt":"2025-08-11T12:04:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/?p=1061"},"modified":"2025-08-11T12:04:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-11T12:04:17","slug":"a-blonde-went-into-a-pet-shop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/?p=1061","title":{"rendered":"A blonde went into a pet shop"},"content":{"rendered":"

A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.<\/h2>\n

The owner replied, \u201cSorry, I don\u2019t have any at the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDammmnnn and blast!\u201d said the blonde, \u201cI have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot\u201d explained the Blonde.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d said the owner, \u201cif you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I\u2019ll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDammmmnnnn and blast!\u201d said the blonde, \u201cI can\u2019t come on that day or for some time after.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d Asked the owner.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause that is the day I\u2019m having my leg amputated!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: \u201cTalking Centipede $100.\u201d<\/h2>\n

The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a walk.<\/p>\n

The centipede doesn\u2019t answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he\u2019s been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.<\/p>\n

He raises his voice and shouts, \u201cDo you want to go for a walk?\u201d<\/p>\n

The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says,<\/p>\n

\u201cPipe down! I heard you the first time. I\u2019m putting on my\u00a0shoes<\/a>!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.<\/h2>\n

Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy God!\u201d the trooper gasped. \u201cYour car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma\u2019am?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, officer, I\u2019m just fine.\u201d the blond chirped.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, how in the world did this happen?\u201d the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.<\/p>\n

\u201cOfficer, it was the strangest thing!\u201d the blond began.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree I swerved to the left and there was\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh, ma\u2019am?\u201d,\u00a0<\/strong>the officer said, cutting her off,\u00a0\u201cThere isn\u2019t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots. The owner replied, \u201cSorry, I don\u2019t have any at the moment.\u201d \u201cDammmnnn and blast!\u201d said the blonde, \u201cI have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":890,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1061","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1061","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1061"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1061\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1062,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1061\/revisions\/1062"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1061"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1061"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1061"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}