There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
\n\u201cHelp me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me. Can you please help me and send the fire squad right away?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTake it easy! Cats don\u2019t hurt us. Just relax and wait until it leaves.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t understand it is going to bite me; it is going to be fatal!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCats aren\u2019t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous. By the way, who is calling?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m Josephine\u2019s parrot, you idiot! Help me please, help!\u201d<\/p>\n
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves.
\nThey got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. \u2018Well,\u2019 said the first one, \u2018I bought mom a huge house in Beverly Hills.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019ve beaten you both,\u2019 said the third. \u2018I bought her a miraculous parrot that can talk to her.\u2019<\/p>\n
A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons.<\/p>\n
\u2018Gerald, the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, and I have to clean the entire house. Milton, the car is useless because I don\u2019t go anywhere; I\u2019m too old. But Robert, you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious.\u2019<\/p>\n
A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.
\nThe owner replied, \u201cSorry, I don\u2019t have any at the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDammmnnn and blast!\u201d said the blonde, \u201cI have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot\u201d explained the Blonde.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u201d said the owner, \u201cif you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I\u2019ll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDammmmnnnn and blast!\u201d said the blonde, \u201cI can\u2019t come on that day or for some time after.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d Asked the owner.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause that is the day I\u2019m having my leg amputated!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: \u201cHelp me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me. Can you please help me and send the fire squad right away?\u201d \u201cTake it easy! Cats don\u2019t hurt us. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":889,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1016"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1016\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1017,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1016\/revisions\/1017"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/889"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tappyli.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}